Tag Archives: working mother

Great and Now I Feel Guilty…

Posted by Jennifer Fong on February 20, 2012 1 comments

I am a bad mother.

As much as I love my children, there are some things that other mothers think are SO fun and are so delightful that make me want to run and hide.

Case in point, a couple of weeks ago my daughter received a letter in the mail. It was from one of her friends. It told her she was now part of the “Sticker Club” and all she needed to do was mail a pack of stickers to the girl listed on the letter, then add her own name to the letter and mail it, along with a blank copy, to 6 other friends. Within 2 weeks she would apparently receive 36 packs of stickers!

Shoot me now.

The letter sat on the hall table for a week just staring at me before my husband started badgering me about it. Pointing out the fact that good mothers had probably already gotten on the ball and sent theirs out.

What he didn’t understand was that first, I had to figure out what copies I had to make, what addresses I had to find, how many stamps I had to buy, and also run out and buy a pack of stickers. Then I had to set aside time to hand write all the addresses, make all the copies, etc.

I barely have time to wash my dishes.

I finally sucked it up and mailed out the letters with my daughter last night. She was of course clapping her hands in delight the whole time. (insert mommy guilt.) I’d also like to point out the fact that I was a week late in sending these out. Which means there will be other disappointed girls who don’t get their stickers on time.

Sigh.

Now I feel guilty about all the other moms we probably stressed out with this project. (If you get one and you’re reading this, I’m sorry!)

How do supermoms do it all? Because I sure can’t figure it out!

Your thoughts?

Communicating with the Working Parent

Posted by Jennifer Fong on January 6, 2012 2 comments

With all this technology, you'd think it would be easy to send messages to working parents.

Communication has changed drastically since we were kids, but I’m pretty sure that a lot of schools and kids’ after school activities failed to get the memo.

As a working parent, I feel the brunt of this on a weekly basis.

My husband is responsible for going through the backpacks and managing the paper so I don’t see everything. And as a result, I find out about things like the fact that it was Crazy Hat Day when we arrive at the bus stop in the morning. Without our crazy hats, of course.

And then of course you have after school activities like ballet, where the preferred mode of communication is pinning up notices on the bulletin board. Which of course only works if you are the one dropping your child off and picking them up.

It seems like the entire world of communication around kids is geared towards the stay-at-home mom sitting in that waiting room, and going through the backpack after school.

But what about the rest of us? The ones who would be completely on top of things if they would just send a damn email? Or a text? Or a Google Calendar invite?

Gen Y considers email passe, and the schools haven’t even caught up to that yet. How on earth are they going to communicate with parents as communication ever changes?

I am a working parent. PLEASE send me an email if I need to know. So my kid arrives with the crazy hat on Crazy Hat Day. Thank you.

What do you think?

I Want to Be Supermom But My Cape Ripped (And I Don’t Know How to Sew)

Posted by Jennifer Fong on December 29, 2011 None comments

My patch-less brownie 🙂

I am a working mother.

I have a husband who makes sure the household stays running smoothly so I can take the lead in running our company. (God bless him.)

Our roles are often reversed. Parents in town sometimes make the mistake of coming to me to make plans with our kids. After giving them a blank look, I send them to the master schedule keeper (John) who will also most likely be the one who shows up for the playdate or birthday party with kids in tow. He also does the laundry and the taxi driving of the kids. (God bless him.)

We really do like the way things have worked out, even though it’s rather non-traditional. But sometimes it’s hard, too. I’m on the road a lot and miss performances and things. I try to show up for things when I’m around, like caroling with the Brownies.

But I also sometimes think about moms in generations before ours. Those superwomen who cooked and cleaned and got the kids where they needed to be (in heels and pearls, God bless them.) The definition of supermom back then was a lot different than it is today when we’re balancing work and family and everything else we want to do.

Heck, they even knew how to SEW (a talent I simply do not possess.)

Case in point…brownies. I have written before about the stress the whole brownie patch thing has added to my life. I still haven’t added the last 2 patches to my daughter’s vest because I’m not sure where they go. When we went caroling with the brownies at the nursing home, I figured I’d check out the vests of the other girls and then do my daughter’s.  Only when we got there, EVERYONE’s patches were falling off. And it made me feel better. LOL Maybe it’s not just me.

So even though I try very hard to be supermom, there are simply things I’ll never be able to do like June Cleaver. I still haven’t attempted to attach the brownie patches. My husband doesn’t ask me to sew hems (he asks his mom.) And yes, I’ll miss the occasional child activity.

But you know what? It’s OK. It’s what we’ve chosen. It’s the life we created. The kids are happy most of the time.

Even if I don’t know how to sew.

When Supermom Travels

Posted by Jennifer Fong on September 13, 2011 None comments

When Jen travels

Every time Jen travels I feel a little nervous the day before she goes away. Because I’m one of those planners, checklist makers, one who tries to anticipate everything that can possibly go wrong, and comes up with the perfect plan, until life happens.

Here’s my mental checklist for Jen’s travel (it used to be on paper):

  • Jen and I review all the business needs and priorities
  • Discuss how I can reach her in an emergency
  • Make sure her travel plans are clear
  • Make sure she has enough travel cash
  • Talk about travel safety
  • Make sure she is sure everything is packed
  • Check any last-minute mommy duties
  • Get her off on time!

And of course Jen always seems ready even without a little help from me.

Now that I’m home alone! This is the part I worry about the most, especially when Jen first started traveling for business. I’ve always been a hands on dad, but kids without their mommy sometimes get a little crazy.

Here’s my mental checklist for kids, home, business and pretending to be (super) mom (I still make little lists):

  • Double check emergency phone numbers
  • Make sure there’s plenty of food
  • Know and prepare their menu for the days Jen is gone (menus to take-out places)
  • Make sure they follow daily routines precisely to reassure kids everything is normal
  • Have treats, games, toys, videos, stories on hand in case kids miss mommy too much
  • Make sure my parents are there to back me up if I need help (fortunately, we have a two family house and my parents live two doors apart from us)
  • Make sure to remember all their school, extra curricular and homework schedules and assignments
  • Make tent and campsite for kids to sleep in my bedroom, in case they need comforting at night
  • Make sure Sugar, our dog, gets plenty of walks and treats so she’s comforted, because Sugar will miss Jen the most (Sugar is the baby of the family)
  • Make sure I’m on top of all business needs and duties
  • Get breakfast, lunches, dinner, clothes ready, check homework, extra curricular schedule and everything else that’s not on a list ready for the next day (if Jen isn’t back yet)
  • Make sure I’m there to pick up Jen from the airport with Sugar our dog on time when her plane lands
  • Fill her in on all the events, dramas, business that have happened since she been gone before the kids smother her

Sure, I’m a planner, but when life happens and messes up your plan, the best plan is to trust your instincts, do your best and pray! I know Jen feels guilty and misses the kids when she’s traveling, but it’s a great opportunity for me to practice being a (super) mom (in my book any mom that works and takes care of the family is a supermom even if they’re not perfect), once in a while to stretch and help me grow as a parent and as a man.

Do you think this is the new reality for families? How would your family manage? How do single parents do it?

Being There

Posted by Jennifer Fong on September 12, 2011 None comments

As I write this, I’m sitting on a train headed to Washington DC. I didn’t see my kids this morning because I left too early (although I gave them extra hugs last night). And I stuck little notes in their lunches for today, letting them know I love them, and that I’ll see them when they get home from school tomorrow.

As a working mom who travels a lot, one of the things I struggle with is being there for everything. I have missed the occasional school performance, birthday (although we celebrated when I was home), etc. And I have struggled with guilt over this. Because I know I need to do my job to make the money needed for the family. Yet I also want to be the good mom. The one who is always there for my kids, with baked goods waiting as they walk in the door from school.

I know it’s not a unique experience. June Cleaver messed us all up. We struggle to be supermom while dealing with the realities of today’s society. I’ve tried to be the stay at home mom. And I nearly lost my mind. It just isn’t me. I crave the challenge that comes from my business, even though I also love being with my kids. But it does mean I can’t be there all the time.

And so I’ve learned to cut myself some slack. Heck, I might even be teaching my kids a few lessons that relieve some of the guilt for them when they become adults. I hope I’m teaching them that they are incredibly important to me, and their celebrations matter. They just might not always happen on the exact day. They will, however, happen (even if it means I have to watch that performance on the DVD). And when we’re all together, they get my full attention.

They’re also learning what it means to work hard. They know full well that getting the toys they want, the roof over their heads, the food on the table, is a direct result of John and I working hard, and me being away sometimes. It’s our reality. (And they’re actually pretty fortunate in that when I’m not traveling, I work from home. So they may actually see us more than the average kid with 9-5 parents.)

And my kids are still happy, funny, and secure.

Am I June Cleaver or Supermom? Nope. But my kids know I love them, and they’re learning how hard work translates into a good life.

And that may be even more important.

How do you balance it all? Would love to read your thoughts in the comments.